Create, for thy self

Just read online this 'Speaking Tree' article.

I have a novel fretting in my mind to get out. The last time I tried to write it, I failed. Because, each time I would sit to write, the anxieties would overwhelm me- whether I could do justice to it, whether I could write it through, whether it would be readable to anyone else, whether it would do well! It would always seem easier to just stop writing and get up. The idea of making the effort just for myself never occured to me. I could not help but marvel at the people who write, and write well, and say that they do not intend to get published.

That was about seven months back.

The urge has again become strong enough to motivate me to a second try. The waves never really died down, they were just on a low tide all this while. Now, the sea of my mind is swell again.

But this time, I can sense a calmness in me as I think about my novel. I am writing it just for myself. I am writing it because that process is going to bring me pleasure and contentment. It's going to be a spiritual experience! When I imagine myself in the next few days, I see myself totally lost in a sheath of papers, with a smile on my face, and a twinkle in my eyes, as I float over seas of imagination.

So, I have a fair hope that this time, I'll be able to tell the story. Not that I am totally out of the ' glory' contemplation, but it matters much less now. I think I will still write this book even if I was told it wouldn't get published.

This change hasn't come by mental rigours or discipline. It's just an effect of the growth in mind and maturity between the two attempts.

Everything has a right time, as they say.