The room was dark and forlorn.
The stuffy blackness buried a young woman, lying on the bed in sweat, heat and an angry resolution, with her back to the door. If no one cared for her, then she didn't either.
It was not her fault each time, and she would not be the one to compromise always. He needed to realize that she had been hurt.
Her ears strained to hear him coming.
She was not angry, of course. But he needed to see his wrong. She would smile when he said sorry, and they would go and eat the cake she had baked.
No one came.
Suddenly, an arrow of anger shot through her. She was making a fool of herself, lying there waiting like that. That man had attitude!
She got up, and switched on the fan. Why should she make herself miserable?
The whirling fan sent soft gusts of air that gently caressed her to sleep.
A dull morning light was peeping through the curtains when she woke. She sat on the bed in silence.
Perhaps she had over-reacted last night. He would have slept on the sofa. He never likes it. She should make him some tea.
She shuffled into the kitchen, and made tea for two.
He was on the dining table, lost in his newspaper. She kept his cup on the table, and stood in indecision. She tried to smile.
He didn’t look up.
So, he was still showing attitude! Let him! The fault was not just hers!
She turned away sharply, and went to the room to drink her tea in peace.
He looked up. Her angry stride filled him with rage. What did she think of herself! And, he had been expecting a sorry from her. Her!
It was not his fault each time, and he would not be the one to compromise always. She needed to realize that he had been hurt.
He pursed his lips in angry resolution, and wrapped his left hand around the steaming cup. Looking hard into the newspaper, he tried to concentrate on the lines he saw.
Japinder Gill
Saturday, June 30, 2007
The silence
at 12:16 AM
Labels: My stories and poems
5 comments:
Hey! really liked this story that u've written!! n by the way, congratulations for ur job... m really happy for u!! :) all the very best!!
really liked the way u ve put up the individual's side in ur story n wid such a beautiful lines. keep it up!
gud for ur writing
japs darling, u could have done a much better job....i really didnt like this one. it started on a good note...somehow in the middle i lost interest..and at the end i was wondering- why has she written it?...
as always ur expression, ur theme, ur use of language..everything is good...but, it lacks magic, spark.
my dear, i will say the same thing again..i expect something unique and thought provoking everytime i begin to read ur blog. but this one didnt do anything..
u can do, and have done, much much better.
its a matter of treatment of the subject. dont treat it the way anybody wud treat it normally. ur subjects are always interesting. ur way of writing is always good. but, its the complete package that matters.
i am sure if you sit down and begin re-writing this one with the intention of making magic, u most definitely will.
u have that capability. bring it out more often.
@ Prerna, Kanchan: Thanks for the appreciation :)
@Sam: I didn't quite labour on this story- wrote it in half an hour flat, and posted the second version of it here. But I did think it was good enough. Your comment has made me rethink though- that thing about it lacking the spark. I can see what you mean.
When I had originally posted it here, I had told myself that I would rework on it the coming weekend. I never actually did.
So, it proves that I cannot really fool the readers. That the spark wont be seen, if the sweat hasn't been put in.
Thanks Sam for being such a worthy critic :)
Just like it!
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