Just a line

"Yes, I loved those movies. The problem was, I believed them too."

A friend said that about candyfloss romances like 'Kuchh kuchh hota hai." I loved the line!

On life, on writing- in general

Today, I was talking to a friend and I said something which I thought at the time was a cool statement.

"My best writing will come around fifteen years from now, provided I write through these fifteen years."

Right now, what I have to do is to live life fully. Take risks, suffer pain, suffer loses, enjoy thrills, feel the joys- because all of that will go into my writing. 'Pain' I dithered at writing that, I am a little afraid of pain (and that itself is material for a story- the lengths to which we go to avoid pain and how that changes our life fundamentally), but I do realize that pain is what makes a writer. Whatever. These are the years of exploration! Of myself. Of the world!

And alongside, I will write. Regularly. My voice will get firmer, my hand will get tighter, my strokes more confident. But all that will happen, provided I write. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. I'll have to remember to keep taking the next step after this one.

There is so much to look forward to! In my twenties. In my thirties. Life takes unexpected turns. I hope I am able to make the best of the turns it takes. As long as it lasts.

'The Year Of Experimentation' ends today!

Exactly one year ago, I had come back home, from Bangalore, from Infosys and from the security of a job, with nothing more than a vague ambition of being a writer and a sure knowledge that I was not made for the job I had been doing- software engineering.

This year, I've marked all the anniversaries with delight.

Aug-1: The anniversary of Job-leaving
Aug-3: The anniversary of Bangalore-leaving
Aug-5: Today

I could only hope for at this time last year, and I know for sure now,that the decision I had made was right. In the past one year, I have not looked back even once with regret. I have been happy. And that is why, I remember Bangalore with such fond nostalgia. That is the city that made me independent! I love the memories of exploring the city all on my own. In the past one year, my book has kept me busy and I've not really travelled. Now, once the work is all through, I really want to relive the joy of exploration. I am thinking of a week or two abroad or perhaps a trip across India by myself. Even the thought seems so exciting!

I had thought my first book would be a book of stories. There were some themes that I had pondered upon a lot for the past few years and I really wanted to resolve my thoughts upon them, by way of fiction. It just happened however, that a small idea which I had briefly twiddled with a few months before leaving, became my first book.

Vikram Seth is the writer I want to be. Among the things that impress me in his writing is his felicity with the language. He has a great vocab and uses words that, once you've looked up their meaning in the dictionary, make you go "Wow!" about the image they paint. So, naturally, it was my goal to acquire a similar trove of words.

The Barron's word lists were my touchstone. I had to know at least all of those words before I embarked upon my first book. That is what I had long since told myself. My brush with Barron's began in, I think, the third year of college.

After engineering came the one year at Infosys, and by the end of it and the beginning of my writing career, I was still struggling with those words. Of course, since I did not have the strict deadline of a GRE test date, I was not very regular with the lists, but I didn't neglect them altogether. I did do all the word lists at least twice, and quite a few of them upto five times, in these three years. What dismayed me was that each time I did a list, most of the words that I had learnt from it the last time, seemed just as strange to me.

That set me thinking. If I, who had been a good reader all through and who did have an above average vocab, was struggling so much with those words, what would an average student be going through? I sensed an opportunity. I thought about the shortcomings of Barron's and the strategies to overcome them. I developed the idea for a few weeks and showed the work to a few friends. Their reaction was mixed, the proportion of enthusiasm slightly more than doubt, but still mixed. This happened in April-May last year. Then, I applied myself to writing a story for a short story competiion, and the word-lists idea got stored in the cold bin.

When I came back home, I thought of working part-time as a SAT or GRE faculty somewhere, so that I could meet my current expenses without depleting my savings. So, I redid all the wordlists once more. This brought the idea back into focus.

Things took on from there.

'Wordy Tales' is now on the verge of completion. I tried my best to finish it by today, in honor of 'history'. But, it has spilled over. Still, it will be done in a few days and then, this exhilarating journey will be over.

The book is not what I had envisaged last August. It has changed, evolved. I feel proud of it.

So, today, the year of experimentation ends. Successfully! The biggest lesson that it has taught me is that perfectionism is humbug. Just do it, I have learnt; it may not be that great, but I will be able to improve it later. What is more important is to take the first step. At the time I started this book, I had not known all the fields of study that I would get into. All that came later. I used to do nothing because I feared that what I would do would not be good enough. I have learnt that 'doing something' is the smarter strategy. 'Something' can always be bettered; 'nothing' is hopeless.