Going further on 'Individuality'

I read this post just now and had so many things to say that I thought I would write a new post.

I am much surer of myself- as a person- now than I was in college, and before that, in school. But I still have a long way to go! Last evening, I was chatting with my cousin and she bragged that she was just 21 yet while I was getting old at 24. I sent her a smiley and said that 24 is a much better place to be in. I was so raw at 21! Gauche perhaps is the word.

In school, I was a perennial topper and a great participant in extra-currics related with academics or elocution. That was why I was a great favorite of all my teachers and really enjoyed my school years. Recently, we had a reunion of our Tenth class mates. One of them specially called me the next day to express his surprise at how much I had opened up. He said that everyone used to think of me as a nerd then.

My relatives too usually think of me as a nerd. They do not think I am very worldly wise. I am well respected by them as IAS material. None of them was very surprised when I quit Infosys to write a book. But when Infosys posted me in Bangalore, my mama ji asked me twice if I would be able to fly all alone and live all alone there. In the weddings (which are many in our large, extended family) and other family functions, I have often been at a loss for company. I do not have any friends among my cousins. They think of me as an intellectual and keep a wary distance. When I was younger, I actually used to take pride in the 'intellectual' tag and made no efforts to mingle with the cousins. One of my favorite quotes has been:

'Great minds discuss ideas, intelligent minds discuss events and ordinary minds discuss people.'

No prizes for guessing which category I aspired to belong to.

So, my cousins used to keep their distance from me- thinking of me perhaps as 'weird' or a 'bhondu'- and I would keep my distance from them- thinking that they were ordinary and I was not. Yes, now that I think of it- and it is the first time that I am looking at it this way and confessing this even to myself- I was a snob!

I have many best friends- all from college or later- who are like cousins to me. I wish the vice versa was true!

One startling lesson that time has taught me is that NO mind is ordinary. There is something special about everyone. And that, I am just as ordinary or as special as anyone else.

The consequence of this realization is that now, when people talk about things which I earlier dismissed as 'ordinary' and had nothing to say on, instead of trying to steer the conversation towards something more to my taste or- to put it more snobbishly, 'intellect'- I just keep quiet and listen and often find myself learning many new things. And, I've discovered that listening with interest is a surer way of becoming a part of a conversation than talking. If I was considered an outcaste by my cousins before, I guess that was because I acted like one. I refused to involve myself in their discussions and perhaps sat with a bored look on my face or a book in my hand.

Now, my ideal is to talk intelligently but interestingly. There are people who talk with great depth but in a wonderfully engaging manner- using witticisms, jokes, stories, colorful metaphors and easy examples. That is the style I now wish to have.

I genuinely believe now that it is a talent to be able to keep things simple. I can look back and laugh at myself for the times when I tried too hard to belong to the club of Intellectuals.