The alarm went off at five.
The room, grudgingly alive
With its howl, was still
In slumber. I had no will
To wake. “Just half hour more”
I promised my self, and before
The squirreled self could squeak,
I set to sleep, though feeling weak.
The struggle to rouse resumed
At seven. My mom and sister fumed
And cooed in turns- insistent, incessant
Attempts to wake me up. I had no intent
To do so- to push myself through one more day.
At seven thirty, I tumbled out; I could no more push it away.
This is not the life I want, I groaned
To the sagely mirror, sleepy-eyed
As I brushed my teeth. Inside
My mind-a thousand thoughts droned
Maddeningly. To not know the miles
You walked, or the grounds you
Stand on now, or the paths you ought to
Take- is difficult! The uncertainty riles.
There are things I so wish to do,
That I wish I could fly away to
A place where no chains on my time
And mind would stifle my spirit’s chime.
Suddenly the unrest grew. “I want to soar.
I don’t know what I want.” When will I explore!
Japinder Gill
Saturday, October 13, 2007
One Morning With A Heavy Mind
at 1:43 AM
Labels: My stories and poems
7 comments:
The best way to explore is to get time for it, and to do that, I must recall...
Early to Bed
Early to Rise
Will make Jappi
Healthy, wealthy and wise :)
Nicely written muaaah!!
nicely written poem jappi..
but as u love ur ambitions..love ur life also which needs 6-7 hours a day sleep.. mind that when u are awake late night u deserve to sleep in the morning...
U can enjoy seeing ur dreams come true in the dreams...so enjoy the sleep too!!...
i relate to this one wholly,completely,absolutely,most definitively!!!
every morning i make a promise to myself--i will not let myself slip into the mundane routine. i will indulge into all the exploration i want to. i will suceed in fulfilling all the promises i have made to myself. i will accomplish all targets i have set out for myself.
on some days...i succeed. on some others..i dont.
every morn i lead myself to believe that the vision of utopia i hold in my eyes every waking moment, can & will be created.
i promise myself that my utopia will not just remain a vision. the vision will, one day, meet its physical manifestation.
i can totally understand those 'thousand thoughts droning maddeningly ' in your mind. i answer those thoughts and questions every morning. :)
all i can say is , its good you have those questions troubling you. when these questions stop troubling you, it'll be a really scary situation then.
atleast, right now you are struggling to be true to yourself.
the real enemy lies within ourselves. simple virtues as discipline, patience, perseverance have to be developed.
though, sometimes i feel, my indiscipline is my window to creativity!! i guess, balance is the key.
so, my dear comrade, keep on fighting. the battle should and must have only one end-victory.
unless that particular end is achieved, the battle has not ended.
:)
"sometimes i feel, my indiscipline is my window to creativity"
That's what I usually tell myself. But when I came across a quote of Gustave Flaubert:
"Be regular and orderly in your life like a bourgeois, so that you may be violent and original in your work"
I wanted to save it, and reread it daily, and imbibe it and follow it! :D
Thank You all for such positive reviews on this poem. You know what? You've just read an excerpt from my novel ;-)
Hmm...this is a comment from the Japinder of Nov 15, 2008 to the Japinder who posted this poem.
First of all, I am glad that I wrote that poem and posted it. Because otherwise, I would not have really remembered how I used to feel then. We think that we are always going to remember our thoughts and emotions....but that is not true. It's just an year, and already, those days are just a hazy recollection, with all the details blurred.
And secondly, it felt good to know that I did take a decisive step about the way I was feeling, and ended that misery.
As of Nov 15, 2008, Japinder is a happy girl, who felt immensely proud of herself while reading the poem, because she did let herself soar. She is living her dream. She doesn't know what will happen tomorrow, but as of today, she is very happy. She just remembered the song 'When you are happy and you know it'....that song captures completely the jubilation of her spirit these days!
Now...the 2 Japinders will wait here on this page, for a Japinder of the future to come to them someday and tell them what happened next. Did the exuberance continue? Was this philosophy of going after dreams proved right? Let's wait and watch! :-)
It's March 2, 2009 today...it's been 7 months since I left the job, and I've not looked back even once. On August 1, 2008, as I stepped out of Infy, all I knew was that I wanted to be a writer. No details. But, the path has been working itself out. I am living the dream.
'The Year of Experimentation' ends on August 1, 2009. 5 more months to go. That is the date when the final evaluation will be done, of 'kya khoya kya paaya'.
As of now, the going is great. I introduce myself as a writer these days, and am thinking of entrepreneurship....the idea is to self-publish my book.
Sometimes I think...is all this actually happening, or is it just a bubble that will burst one day? Perhaps I did not anticipate such a smooth going. Things have just been working out!!! And, that is the biggest surprise of it all, and now that is what is giving me the confidence to take even greater risks...like this entrepreneurship idea, for example. Is it Destiny's bait to lure me to the bigger trap? I don't know.
The reason why I am writing all this is that i don't want to sound too optimistic. That will be obscene.
Inshah allah you will get the biggest award .. self satisfaction after following your dreams .. I know future Japinder .. but will wait for her here only ... :)
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