And My Answer is No!

Yesterday, Bulls Eye had organised a lecture by a motivational "guru". It was the first such 'personality development' programme that I was attending. I went there as a sceptic and returned convinced, about my belief that is. The lecture was too dramatic, too artificial. Just like a standard motivational book!

There was a time when I had grown addicted to the self-help books- class 11th. I had joined my coaching one month late and so, to make up, we had to attend classes from 2-8! Add to that the school hours, and the home assignments, and my h-u-g-e expectations from myself, and I was overwhelmed. I just couldn't cope up with all that deluge! My performance, my grades, and with them, my self-confidence hit rock bottom. My previous report cards, my family, my friends would all assure me that I could get into the IITs, and all I could think was that they were mocking at me! Urgh!

It was during such times that I turned to self-help books. They offered me solace, and consolation. They told me that I could still do it. I would feel invigorated, like a raging bull, rubbing its hooves against the ground, kicking a lot of dust, with its head bent downwards, its nostrils heaving heavily, getting ready to make a dash towards the red cloth.

The tide however would ebb soon after. And I would return to my gloomy reality- the assignment that had to be done before I could sleep, and the sad realisation that I had spent "precious time" building castles in the air.

The pedantic advice on "Efficient utilisation of time" too did a great damage. Depressed as I was, I was looking for a magic pill that could revitalise me, bring the old me back. These books promised me that. "Don't waste your time. Dedicate each and every moment to your goal. Work when your opponents are sleeping etc. etc. etc." Receptive as my mind was to any solution, I tried to follow these idiotic "golden rules of success." And added to my misery. I started feeling guilty about "wasting time" even when I chatted with my family or friends! These unrealistic rules were bound to fail, and fail they did, adding further to my guilt and dejection!

And then, to bring myself out of the blues, I would turn to another such book.

This continued for a few months.

Then, I decided that enough was enough! I promised myself that I'll never resort to such crutches again. I should be capable of solving my own problems! It is I, and I alone, who can build myself. I alone, who have to scramble my self back to my feet if I've had a fall. It is demeaning to look elsewhere for help.

And, I feel proud at having kept my promise.

I did manage to leave 'the 11th debacle' behind. I did reasonably well in 12th. Cleared the IIT screening, and landed in UIET, with the dream of writing JEE again the next year.

Then the Magboard happened.

The turning point of my life.

Magboard gave me an outlet for my creativity (I never knew I had that much). The phrase is funny, but I took to Magboard like fish to water. I was finally doing something that I was good at, and getting appreciated for it too. These small successes helped in healing all the cracks that had been left by "the debacle". My Passion for Magboard healed me. Resurrected me back into the cheerful, happy, confident girl that I was.

Today, all this is left far behind, having acquired the sepia tinge of old memories. The healing is absolute now and I can say with full conviction that "life is beautiful." And that, I am happy!

All these experiences have changed my definition of success.

I now believe that what makes us unhappy and unsatisfied is the "competitive definition of success" [thats my term :)]. We are never satisfied with what we have, coz we can see the others having more than us, be it marks, money or appreciation. We want to be above everyone, better than all around us, to be lauded by them as "a success story." But where does it all end? Who will you call a success story? Bush? Gandhi? SRK? Ghalib? Ur local Commissioner? The IAS rank 1? And why? Coz u know their names? Coz they have the glamour of fame? Isn't your father, or your housewife mother or grandmother a success story? Well, the world may never know about them, but success is never about being in the limelight! Bush maybe called the most powerful man on this Earth, but is he indispensable? Will his death tomorrow move me one bit? No! So, if he leaves no mark on those who 'know' him, why should he be considered successful just because of his fame or position?

I think the best, and the ONLY judge of a person's success, is that person himself. You are successful, if you think you are. Because seriously, the world doesn't care about anyone. The Earth keeps spinning irrespective of whether you achieved your goal or you failed. The people around you may feel sorry for you, or celebrate with you (as the case maybe) but soon they get busy with their own lives. And, you are left with yourself. So, what matters THE most is, whether you are happy with yourself, with what you've done. If you are, then you are a success. Otherwise, well, even the so-called "world conquerors" have been known to have shot themselves in their head!

So, I now believe that "You are successful, if you are happy."

I think this is what those motivational books never taught me. That day when I vowed never to touch them again, I had told myself that I was capable of building my own philosophies and principles. And I've proved myself right!

So, all that motivational crap is not for me.

Its truly liberating to be in competition with no one! Tell yourself that you don't need to do anything to "prove yourself to the world", and you'll be amazed at how peaceful you feel! You are responsible and answerable just to your own self and its dreams.

I believe in just one power that can augur success-PASSION! I am amazed at what all I have done to achieve the tasks I was passionate about. I never needed to consciously apply any "rules of time management or success." I was following them all, without even realizing that fact!

Yes, I've found, and found by myself, the magic pill that I had been looking for.

The sheer joy of living your passion is intoxicating, and life feels like heaven!