Fool's Paradise

“Close your eyes. Focus on your rhythm. Relax.”
“Now imagine that you have just woken up, fresh from deep sleep. You are at peace, you are happy. And a voice tells you that today is your perfect day. Today, you can do all that you’ve ever wanted to do. Sans any inhibitions, sans any regulations. All your wishes will come true on this special day."
“How will you live this day of yours? Live it in your mind”
I did this exercise on my friend and could see her lips slowly curving into a smile as she went deeper and deeper into her imagination. She looked serene.
After a few minutes, she emerged from her reverie. With a beatific smile. That whole day, her eyes glowed with a joy. That smile didn’t quite leave her.
Late in the night, she messaged me to say how magical her day had been.
Imagination, I concluded, had the same impact on everyone.

Yesterday was the first of a week of holidays. I woke up feeling as free as a bird. The much dreamt of freedom was mine at last. With no deadlines to struggle for and no schedules hammering my head, I felt quite a Princess of my own time. I could pamper myself fully with all the luxuries a busy day couldn’t afford. The thought delighted me.

Yesterday had the potential. It could have been my Perfect Day.
Could have been.

Instead I went to bed last night with a numb mind, a mind that had thought too much, aimlessly, the whole day. I had thought and slept. Just that. And my mind had been rendered numb by inactivity and disuse.

I don’t know why I do that. The whole day, I was “just going to do” one of those things that I had been keeping for my holidays. They had been the reason why I had been looking forward to these holidays. They were my idea of a luxurious day. Reading novels, writing my thoughts down, going for a walk, watching a movie. The vision of doing all that was so exciting! And yet, the whole day, they remained suspended in the vacuum between Intention and Action. And went back into the Never land of Intention, leaving me despondent and disappointed.

Why did I thus betray my self? Had i done those things, I would have felt fuller. Instead I had acted to wreck my belief in my ability to do the very things i love. Was I running away from my own happiness? Why?

I don't know! Today too has passed in a trance. My mind full of my dreams. My mind dulled by inactivity.

Am I creating my own mirages? Chasing them, and yet ensuring that they remain just distant mirages?

Does Imagination have the same debilitating effect on everyone? Or is it just me?