Rooted Out!!!

Today, while attending a seminar on the economy of India, I was suddenly struck with the realization oft how alienated I had become from my roots!

I've spent my entire childhood in a small township of rural Punjab. I've always felt an immense sense of loyalty and love for the Punjabi culture and language. I've taken pride in my roots. I still do.

And yet, somehow, the soil has slowly been loosening.

Its been ages since I last read a Punjabi novel. Whenever I get some liquid time, I prefer reading some English books, because, very honestly, I can relate to them better. The Punjabi literature being produced these days is of a poor quality. Why, even I could publish a book of my Punjabi poems tomorrow (all at my expense of course) if I so wanted! The books by the famous novelists are of course good, but they are mainly related with the problems and dilemmas of the punjabi Kirsaani, not things that I can relate to much. So, I really dont find much stimulating and interesting stuff in Punjabi. Its the same with Punjabi newspapers. I've been a regular reader of Punjabi Tribune since childhood. It comes to our home now too. But, as my mind matured and the foolish loyalty started losing its steam, it lost the battle to Hindustan Times and Indian Express. The level of news coverage and the edit page is just too different!

But I am not playing the blame-game. My complacency is responsible too! I used to love collecting the quotes and poems of famous Punjabi poets. In fact, during sudden fits of enthusiasm, I would visit the local library solely for this purpose! And now, all these stories are of the past!

Really, I've been getting quite out of touch with my language. Being at a college of heterogenous character has further compounded the alienation. We have people here from all over North India, and not everybody understands Punjabi. Even those who do, pretend not to. So, Hindi and English are the languages in currency. I make it a point not to forget Punjabi, but I am not too obsessed either. I automatically switch over to the other languages during converations with the non-Punjabis.

People often complement me about my theth Punjabi, and such remarks leave me wondering about the future of Punjabi. I KNOW just how casual and poor my Punjabi is! I dont have the confidence today of being able to speak for 1 minute in Punjabi without alloying Hindi or English words into my speech. I dont have the confidence of being able to write appealingly in Punjabi (and thats the reason why I dint dare, despite getting motivated after reading the poems and short stories I had written in my high school). I am not proud of the Punjabi I speak. What I speak is not the beautiful and the RICH language that it is!

But then, not many people would know the real Punjabi today. Because not many speakers are left in the "urban" and "modern" cities. I know just too many people, among my friends, in our neighbourhood, everywhere, who will speak Punjabi at home, but outside, with a stranger, they'll switch over to Hindi. Or even worse, parents who talk to each other in Punjabi, converse with their kids only in Hindi.
But dont such people betray their extremely low self-esteem? What else would you think about someone who is eager to snub their basic identity, in an effort to 'fit-in', and appear 'in-sync' and 'modern'!

Years ago, I had made a pledge. I had told myself that as an individual, I'll do as much as I can for my language. I am an ambassador of Punjabi. Like every Punjabi is. And I had decided to do my bit in making Punjabi look appealing and beautiful to an outsider.

After a long time, this promise has echoed today.

Its time I thought of my roots again!